The Sign Said, "Hot!"

INGREDIENTS: malitol syrup, scorpion, artificial flavoring and coloring (yellow 5, blue 1)

~ Scorpion Sucker, Blueberry Flavor


Yes, that’s an exact quote.

You, too, can have your very own scorpion sucker if you head straight to the Beef Jerky Outlet, eat the salsa that’s labeled “HOT!!!” – then cry! ;-(

I tried to explain to the owner that I was not illiterate; I was just curious.

He just kept asking, “Are you crying? Are you really crying?”

I was not amused.

He let me get a bottle of tea out of the cooler (not free), and begin drinking it, before he told me that only milk would cut the heat. I reached for the milk.

“Too late,” he added.

He also mentioned that oxygen heated up the oils, making the situation worse – i.e. just exhale?

Only time cooled off my poor little mouth.

But mine was not the worst story of the day.

This “gentleman” will allow you to sample almost anything in the store before buying, and THE thing to sample is called, “The Source.” Measuring at 7,100,000 Scoville Units, one drop of this liquid is hotter than police grade pepper spray. If you decide to sample it, you must sign a medical waiver.

[Note: The Scoville scale is a measure of the hotness or piquancy of a chili pepper, as defined by the amount of capsaicin (a chemical compound that stimulates nerve endings in the skin) present.]

For comparison purposes, here is an abbreviated list of peppers and their corresponding Scoville Units:

7,100,000 – The Source
5,300,300 - Law Enforcement Grade pepper spray
0,150,000–350,000 - Habanero Chili
0,030,000–50,000 - Cayenne Pepper & Tabasco Pepper
0,002,500–8,000 - Jalapeño Pepper
0 – Bell Pepper

While I was standing there, drinking my worthless tea and crying, a family walked into the shop. The two older sons headed straight to the counter and asked to sample “The Source.” They were given careful instructions: place on center of tongue; do not touch lips; if you need to vomit, please do so in the grass outside and return to sign the special bucket (many names on it already).

The pepper oil doesn’t heat up right away, he explained, after they licked the toothpicks. “For the next five to ten minutes, the oil will gradually . . .”

They weren’t listening.

With bloodshot eyes, they began to cry and motion for something to drink. He gave them milk.

I cannot describe the looks on the faces of these two young men. They paced, drank milk, bent over, hiccupped, and cried – it was an awful sight.

Finally, they stepped outside.

Now, back to me . . .

As I reached for my beef jerky at checkout, the smiling proprietor tossed the scorpion sucker into my bag.

“Free to you . . . because you cried.”

~ End Quote