Impenetrable

Do you recognize the scene? Lost in the impenetrable reeds with seemingly no hope of finding an outlet  to open water, the unlikely pair haplessly pressing on through the African waters?

My friends, this is how my mind feels today.

Yesterday, with a pile of thoughts and tasks and people and events before me, I could feel the panic begin. A pulsating panic. With my desktop computer (a.k.a. my real brain) down and containing the information I needed to get through this murky stretch, I watched myself (as though an onlooker) respond to the mere thought of proceeding. It went something like this, again and again:

1. The task would present itself.

2. My hands would begin to move toward the phone or computer in an attempt to complete it . . .

3. I would freeze, throw my head into my hands, pray, and sit back waiting for the tension to pass.

4. Again I would try, continuing in this well-established pattern until I was finally able to make the phone call or search for the information needed, etc.

Advancing, I am -- but only by inches -- and there are miles to be covered.

I have always struggled with/against procrastination, but there are times when it truly feels like I am Bogart and Hepburn making their way through that maze of reeds. (Oh, and let's not forget the leeches! I'm sure I could work them into the analogy, too!) It is exhausting!

Accomplishing even the most menial of tasks while in the throes of this mental/emotional battle seems impossible; and while some might call it "sheer determination" that ultimately gets me to the other side, I submit that even the strongest pushes of my raw will are not enough -- no, I cannot "Just do it."

With answers of strength from my Father, I accomplished two significant things today. Now I have three more calls to go and I should be able to breathe just a little. Open water will be a wonderful thing.

Quote of the day:

"This is not going to be a problem."

~ a man named Steve

~End Quote